Friday, March 12, 2010

The 3's

Hi stupids
My new thing this week is watching 3 movies. Not three movies in one day but the
worst, fuckliest movies usually released are the third in the series. The ones where
you can tell they still have foreign releases, toy contracts, mob money to repay, or they are just fucking clueless movie farts who wanna try and roll the dice and squeeze the little bit of cinematic anuspaste outta the tube.

here's the first batch or reviews I'm working on

Back to the future 3

Good god this RUINED my day.
I remember when it came out I thought it sounded terrible but man was I wrong.
It was worse than terrible. The old west? The big car breakdown that happens in every movie is no gas? ZZ top? the new time machine is a fucking steam train? Doc names his kids Jules and cocking Verne?

When this ring stinger was over with I was left with a really sad sadness deep in my heart. like when a pet dies or when a fart is alcoholically bloody.

fuck you Michael j.

Shakiest gun in the west remake?
Just kidding MJ (I'm a hell bound)

Jurassic Park 3

Of all The 3's so far this is the most slopped piece of shit yet.I never saw 2 so what I gathered from the extremely deep and well focused story line the dinosaurs just live on the island next door to the first island and no one gives a some fucktard kid gets his shitty extreme sports dude/moms fuckbuddy to take him illegally para sailing past the island to video tape dinosaurs.

They get stuck and dinosaurs fuck with them roar! roar! ouch! They get away.The violence was pretty brutal but I swear they musta blew the budget cuz there was like only a few dinosaurs and I think half of um was CGI stock footage.


Beverly Hills Cop 3

"Axel F" by Harold Faltermeyer as sung by Kahn
Bev-Bev Beverly Hills Cop/Bev-Bev Beverly Hills Cop/Axel Foley's gonna find those druuugs!"

Axel goes to a amusement park and is fucking wacky. End result... dolphin AIDS.

I remember when I was little I liked to hide inside the circular clothes racks at the department store. Id sneak around like a lil fuck spying on people and barrel roll from rack to rack with that stupid fucking song in my head.those were some good times. One place in particular I was forced to rot in was called Cloth World a fabrics store that was the MOST boring place a lil 8 year old boy could ever be condemned. In catholic school when the concept of purgatory was explained to my I envisioned myself in Cloth World for like two eternity's waiting and waiting just to find out I have to go to hell. Fuck that just send my ass to hell cuz I can only be amused by lookin at googly eyes and fake fur for so long.

they did have some EPIC racks to play wise cracking Detroit bad boy cop Axel F all by my sad tard tard ass though.

This is the weapon from BHK3 Annihilator 2000. It blows up shit, plays compact discs and releases a fog that writes scripts to Perfect Strangers all while having a affair with Billy's mommy.

The karate Kid 3

"The Karate Kid 3 Sucked" Anthony.

This is the only screenshot I could find for this nun abortion of a film.

Robocop 3

I guess in the future Detroit is worse or something cuz they need a Robotic Police Officer to patrol the streets very slowly and crack wise on cyber punks.
This movie is fucking boring and you know what? ANOTHER FUCKING KID!!!! I figured it out. In a 3 movie you gotta throw in some fucking kid to balls up the whole thing.
Kids suck.

And who will challenge our Robocop? Who could the evil forces of poo donging OCP?
wait for it...

wait for it...

A roboninja?....... Are you Kidding me? Really?
I give up.
Robocop can fly now too. Suck It iron man you turd burglar.
What just happened to me?

"Pssssssst. Hey behind you....I'm jizz"

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